The seeds for For The Men were sowed when a chance meeting at a trauma conference in Romania between Joe & Bret blossomed into a real world friendship. Both men had been doing the work of healing for years, both personally and professionally, and though they had grown and recovered by leaps and bounds, there always seemed to be something missing.
After their meeting in Romania, Joe & Bret kept in regular contact, trading therapy sessions, and slowly developing a truly intimate relationship wherein each could show up as their authentic selves without fear of shame or judgment.
The freedom, joy, laughter, support and connection they enjoyed made them realize how much they had missed out on by not allowing themselves to be vulnerable with other men, and inspired the program they now offer to other men around the world.
At For The Men, we reject the pervading myth that men have fewer emotional needs than women, and strive to cultivate an environment where men will be free to feel deeply and be supported by other men as they do so.
The science is clear: men have the same universal needs for love, affection, support, and emotional connection as women do. Unlike women, however, men have been conditioned to suppress and repress these fundamental human requirements, and the results speak for themselves: men die at suicide 3-4 times the rate that women do, are significantly less likely to seek help for mental health issues, experience higher rates of substance abuse and other risky coping behaviors, and suffer increasing levels of social isolation (loneliness).
What we learned through our friendship is this: healing doesn’t happen in a vacuum-it happens in a relationship. Men are capable of tapping into and taking responsibility for their emotions, and when they connect with and support other men who are doing the same, the results are profound. By being there for one another, we can supercharge our capacity to feel and experience the powerful effects of healing in community.
If you’ve spent your life thinking this isn’t for ‘guys like us,’ we get it. We’re regular guys who enjoy watching South Park, rapping along when a good Eminem song comes on, and are not above appreciating a good fart joke. We appreciate healthy masculinity however it manifests! What we have discovered is that being a regular guy doesn’t mean we can’t also be vulnerable, seek out connection, and accept responsibility for our feelings. We realize and accept that our emotions require our attention, and don’t try to shirk this responsibility and expect the more sensitive and emotionally intelligent people in our lives-which, let’s face it, are usually women-to do it for us.
Our friendship has shown us the possibility of a different world, one in which men who are emotionally attuned to themselves and others reduce the toxic effects of conditioned masculinity by taking responsibility for the havoc that unexamined painful emotions wreak on others and the world around them.
If you’d like to join us for the next season of For The Men, you can sign-up here.
FOR THE MEN 